2017 sucked. While there were a few positive moments, the negative was quite overwhelming. I would say that this year comes in at very very close second of being one of the hardest years of my life (2016 taking the cake). I am vowing that 2018 will be much better, by God’s grace. So, here I am, writing out my 2018 goals spanning across all genres (physical, mental, etc.).

These things below aren’t necessarily things that I plan to start on January 1. Rather, they are things that I hope to tackle and accomplish as the year goes on. Although I am holding myself accountable, I’m not putting pressure on myself. That pretty much sucks the fun out of a goal. So here goes nothing!

Physical

Work out consistently. I say this every year, but as I am getting older, my body continues to remind me “you getter get in shape, like right now”, and not for the sake of losing weight, but to be consistently active. I should not be out of breath by going up the flight of stairs to get to my apartment. I also know that working out will help release some much needed endorphins.

Eat better. It’s crazy to see how much your body can change year to year and how certain things you thought you could get away with eating come back to haunt you. I don’t like restricting myself though. Although there are certain things I don’t eat anymore, I know there are much healthier alternatives that I can include in my diet.

Mental

Consistently see a therapist. My mom passed a year and a half ago and to this day I have gone to the therapist one time. I’ve been avoiding it because I know that once I go, I’m going to be an emotional wreck. And that scares me. It scares me to confront my emotions head on, with someone else in the room. When I’m by myself, I can cry all day long. But having to talk through those emotions with someone else just feels so, foreign. Therapy isn’t something that I grew up knowing was an option. It was always put as this thing for people who are mentally ill. And I knew I didn’t fall into that category so I assumed I would never need it. Then June 2016 happened and my whole world fell apart. So here’s to hopefully confronting all my emotions and insecurities head on.

Remind myself that I am worth it. I consider myself pretty confident. But every now and then there comes this small teeny weeny voice that likes to mess with my mind. This voice likes convincing me that everything I’ve done is trash compared to what other people have done. It likes to hone in on my insecurities of being alone and makes me believe that I am annoying to everyone around me. This voice has a tendency to pick on the little things that I’ve always struggled with: not perfectly clear skin, body weight, wanting to be the best, never wanting to fail. I literally have to look at myself in the mirror and remind myself that the way I am is the way I am supposed to be in that moment. I don’t ever think that feeling insecure is something that goes completely away. But like grief, I do believe it is something that fades over time.

Spiritually

Talk to God. I pretty much gave up prayer after my mom passed. In 2017, I slowly started getting more comfortable with prayer again. But I would say that I have been at a 5% comfortability, which is LOW. Again, I am scared. Although I know that God knows all my heart desires and wants and fears, I still have this apprehension that if I open my mouth to ask God of something, I am going to be hit with resounding disappointment. I also know that is the work of the enemy. But my mind is at odds with both concepts. So I need to work on getting my mind back on one track. I do still believe that God is inherently good, and that all things work the way they need to. I have internally fought with God a whole lot this past year. And I am tired of fighting. I’m scared of releasing too. But somethings gotta give.

Start my day with God. That means waking up, and instead of turning to my phone to open Instagram, I open it to read a devotional. Or start the day with at least a small prayer. I’ve heard that doing so sets the tone for the day and I have been slacking in that department.

Relationships

Actively pray for a partner. I’m not really one to talk about this because, it’s somewhat of a sensitive topic. This past year I did not want to enter into any kind of intimate relationship of any sort. I was in a horrible emotional state and I just did not want to add on to that by “catching” feelings for someone else that may not have the emotional capacity to understand what I was going through. So, I told God that I was good on that front. And he heard my voice because this year was DRY. Nigerian families try to convince you that a partner will solve all your problems. I don’t believe that AT ALL. Will a partner help alleviate some of those problems, sure, why wouldn’t they? But eliminate them all together?? Why put that pressure on someone when I would not want that pressure put on me.

I am not expecting for my partner to be my “mother, father, brother, sister” as my aunties would say. I want someone who sees what I am doing and thinks, “you know what, I can add to that, POSITIVELY” and vice versa. In 2016, I stopped praying for a partner. Nothing was happening and I was getting discouraged. But there is still that part of me that longs for something like that. Yes, I can do bad all by myself, but sometimes you want someone that can do that with you, ya know. So, here’s to being open to love in 2018. I am NERVOUS. Good lordt. But here’s to taking a leap of faith.

FINANCIALLY

Increase my credit score. I am on a mission to get my credit score to a level that allows me to *ahem* live my best life. Which means being strict on my spending habits. Which is going to be hard. But it’s not at all impossible so here’s to living our best stress free financially fiscal lives! I’m going to be checking my credit score once a week (seems obsessive but a lot can happen in a week).

Save. You all already know the deal. I want to have a robust savings account by the end of the year. There have been so many minor emergencies that happened in 2017 that would have been less stressful if I had substantial savings. I’ve learned my lesson(s) and I am ready. I’m actually thinking of hiring a financial planner. Someone who is actually skilled in this area. But we’ll see if my finances actually allow that.

Travel. I include this under financial goals because it requires a nice chunk of money. I have been saying that 2018 is the year of travel for me and I believe that words hold a lot of power. So, by God’s grace, I will be galavanting across the globe with those that I love (perhaps a bae-cation even?? haha).

This was long, and if you made it to the end, kudos to you! If you skipped some and read others, I’ve giving you a high five. Either way, you took the time out to read this post and for that I am grateful and thankful. Here’s to a better 2018. Here’s to living our best lives!

H&M Sweater Dress | Zara Velvet OTK Boots

Until next year…

All Photography by Kristen Ashley