Most of us have been there. We say yes to every single thing that is asked of us in fear of not disappointing the ones doing the asking. We somehow feel obliged to always be available, always be willing to talk, to hangout, to give advice, etc. And while it can be a great feeling to lend a helping hand, it can also be very DRAINING.

Think about it. Have you ever had a moment where you went, let’s say, 1 week just helping people back to back to back to back. Not giving any time for yourself to regroup and relax. While those people are grateful for your time sacrifice, you’re left feeling empty. The energy sucked out of you. And now, you don’t feel like doing anything for anybody for the next 6 months. Yea, it happens.  More often than not probably. And I have fallen victim to being a “Yes (Wo)Man” over and over again. I can’t help it. If someone says they need assistance, I always feel like it is my duty as family, as a friend, to be there no matter what. Because ya know, sacrifice. And while that does hold true, there are sometimes when you are allowed to give a resounding “No”. You’ll be met with questions like “how come?”, “why not?”, “are you busy?”, and while you may not have an answer to any of these questions, you are neither obligated to answer them. Of course, I am referring to situations that are not emergencies, as in, the person can find someone else to help.

Yes, being there for those around you is great. And yes, sacrificing your time, even if you don’t feel like it, is also Godly and Christlike. But, not everyday do you have to give up your time in order to prove that you are a good sister, brother, friend, aunt, etc. Not everyday do you feel the need to say “Absolutely!!” when some days you honestly just can’t. Being a “No (Wo)Man” doesn’t mean being a selfish person. It doesn’t mean being rude. It means taking your own well being into account. It’s understanding that some days, you are just not in a position to help and that your less than positive attitude may actually be a detriment to the one you’re trying to help.

As someone who considers herself quite empathetic, I’ve always taken pride (yep, I’m admitting that), to being there for people all the time. I always thought that being extremely selfless was the way to. To always put others before myself. And while this can be positively handled, it can also cause some negative consequences. There are some days where I simply cannot, and I have become ok with the fact that on those days, people will have to deal. Some days you don’t have it together, and therefore, you don’t want to impose that energy on anyone else.

A couple of months ago, I recently had to let a friend know that I wasn’t going to make it out to something because I knew that attending meant that I would have had to do a whole bunch of rearranging and adjusting. And to be honest, I did not have the energy for that. I had just planned a bachelorette and ya girl was exhausted. So I let her know, and that was that. Initially, I felt bad. I felt that I was letting her down by not going, but then I remembered that I have gone to many of her things before, and that this one time, I just would not be able to make it. And so, I let it be. It worked out for the better because something more pertinent (family coming in unexpectedly from overseas) happened and I was able to devote my time to that.

I’m saying all this to say, it’s ok to say no. It doesn’t make you a bad person. It doesn’t make you a selfish person. It makes you human. You can decline politely and still have a positive relationship with that person. And if that person doesn’t understand when you say no, then it’s up to you whether you want to sit down and have a talk with them. I mean, even Jesus himself had to say no to some things (Mark 1:35-38) so He could focus on other things. It’s important. It’s necessary. If we want to be at 100% when we do help others, we need to take the time to nurture ourselves and to focus on the tasks that God has given us. And you can’t do that if all your time is spent helping every single person you come in contact.

Also remember to be understanding when someone tells you no as well. If they have showed up and showed out for you before, and they are simply unable to this go around, don’t hold it against them.

Until next time…

All Photography by Kristen Ashley