Christmas is right around the corner and I wanted to share another outfit that can potentially be worn on the day of, or to another holiday party, orrrrr for New Years! I found this Black Ruffle Dress from Keepsake at the SaksOff5th in Los Angeles right across from the Beverly Center. The team over at Saks sent a gift card for me to do some shopping and as soon as I saw this dress I knew I had to have it!
It was a bit hard for me to write this next section of the post. I decided to pen a letter to my mom.
Hey Mama,
I was up catching up on episodes of the Flash a few days ago (I miss our comic book movie binges). In the last two episodes, there seemed to be a lot of talk about death and doing anything in one’s power to bring that loved one back, even if it meant disrupting the future. As Christmas is approaching, I have had constant dreams and thoughts about you. Dreams that feel extremely real, until I wake up. And in those first 10 minutes of me waking up, I so badly wish that I could just stay in that dream, that things would go back to the way they once were.
I think about how different life would be if you were still here. The stress of being an adult without having you here to guide me is honestly one of the most trying things about this process. There are days where I literally question why I’m still here. Days that I desperately wish that I could change things in the past. Like staying in state to go to grad school, taking a semester off when you told me about the cancer (even though you would have urged me not to). Not getting irritated with the situation when you were in such helpless state.
And I honestly do wish that I can go back a year from now, to last Christmas, when we are all together and happy. We made do with what we had, which was each other. We laughed, danced, sang, and danced some more. I still ask God why He allowed this to happen? Why you? You were an angel, a saint, honestly. You deserve to be here just as much as I do. It’s still a hard pill for me to swallow at this point. Every night I look at the picture on my desk of you smiling. It’s my one silver lining. I miss you. No Christmas will ever be the same. I love you.
Your first daughter (I always liked when you would call me that), 
Similar ruffle outfits by Keepsake (Playsuit, Mini Dress, Romper)
All photography by @TheDreamingRebelle
Ifeoma | 19th Dec 16
No Seyi you wont make me cry, I’d just focus on the dress!!! What a lovely dress
Wumi 'Tuase | 19th Dec 16
I literally never know what to say when I read your pieces like this because I always feel no words would ever be enough to ease your grief. All I would say now is that I’m sure she’s proud of you. I lost my grandma last year to cancer too and it was hard after watching her suffer for so long but it’s all smiles now when we talk about her and although my mum still gets emotional, we are always there to cheer her up. Thank God you have a sibling and I’m sure you both would make her proud. To that dress…. SLAY!!!!
infashionitrust | 19th Dec 16
Thank you so so much Wumi. Just you commenting and sending words of encouragement means a lot. I’m so sorry to hear about your grandma too. It’s one of those things that is still so baffling but hearing that your mom and yourself are able to be ok despite it all gives me some hope :)
Dinah | 16th Dec 16
This has got to be my favorite look on you! You already know how I feel about that hair but the legs and the twirl and the lippie. Lawd have mercy! Queen
infashionitrust | 18th Dec 16
awwww dee! thanks so much love!
Peace | 16th Dec 16
Such a beautiful letter. I’m with Thaina– your mother would be so proud of you. I’m sure her proudest accomplishment was raising you and your sister to be the women you are..
infashionitrust | 16th Dec 16
Awwwww Peace! thank you so much for reading girlie. Appreciate you mucho!
Omolade | 16th Dec 16
Such a beautiful post. Almost brought me to tears. Just be strong Seyi, this too shall soon pass
infashionitrust | 16th Dec 16
thank you so much Omolade. Truly appreciate your words of encouragement. I will definitely try
keepingupwithMJ | 16th Dec 16
Such a beautiful post (the pictures and the letter to your mom). It’s so relatable because I also lost a loved one, my favorite aunt to cancer last November (2015) and it’s just so surreal. Some days it’s hard to understand why her, but we just got to be strong. Make them proud in every thing we do.❤️️ – MJ
infashionitrust | 16th Dec 16
Thank you so much! and im so sorry for your loss love :(. it’s definitely so hard especially now. I hope that you are taking the time to cope. thanks so much for taking out the time to comment.
Thaina | 16th Dec 16
This is so beautiful, Seyi and you’re so brave for sharing. I can’t even imagine what writing this felt like but I know you made her proud.
infashionitrust | 16th Dec 16
thanks so much girlie. i didn’t think it would be hard but as soon as I finished typing, i broke down crying. but i wanted to just share :) appreciate the constant love!