Nothing could have ever prepared me for losing my mom. I mean nothing. My family never really talked about death (and what to do after someone dies). Growing up in a Christian (and Nigerian) family, it was always taught that death would not come near us until old age.

Death was something to cast away fervently and by doing so, it meant that you were going to be fine. The pastors I grew up listening to never talked about losing someone prematurely. They never touched on how to even go through the grieving process as a Christian.

So when my mom was diagnosed with Stage 4 Uterine Cancer, the first thing I did was just pray against death. I prayed, and fasted, and prayed, and fasted. Took communion, prayed, and fasted again. I just knew that doing all these things would mean guarantee miracle for my mom. And…it didn’t.

I had no idea how to process what had just happened. Between feeling scared, angry, lost, and confused, I also had to fully process that God did not give me the answer that I wanted to my prayers. It didn’t make any sense, and it finally hit me that my upbringing never prepared me for death.

I had no idea how to deal with this very real life situation. I had zero clue about the funeral arrangement process, the process of having to get her death certificates, filing her last taxes, handling her estate, closing out her bank accounts, preparing her grave. All these things I had to learn on the fly and it was overwhelming. My sister and I ran into a million different roadblocks and it only amplified our grief.

Fast forward 3 years later

I look back and I am in awe at how my sister and I are where we are now. Yes, we still have a whole bunch of healing to do. We still have goals and dreams we want to achieve. But 3 years ago, I didn’t think any of this would even be something I could wish for since my mom was gone.As a Christian, I’ve come to terms with no longer fearing death. I don’t wish it on anyone. But I also know that it’s something that is inevitable, and that our days on Earth are most definitely numbered. I love my faith and I love my heritage, but I also am aware that both did a disservice when it came to helping me and my sister understand how inevitable death is.

Having gone through this experience, it truly is important to talk about death with the ones you love. Talking about it does not equal wishing death on anyone. It’s just an honest conversation that should be had, in the case that anything does happen. Talking about it and practically preparing for it will leave your loved ones in a somewhat better state than leaving them to figure it out.

What to do

Get a life insurance plan. Draft up a will for your family to know what to do with your estate. Declare someone to be the executor of your estate (the person that will handle all the tying up of financial intricacies). Start a trust fund for your children. Talk about how you want to be buried or cremated.

Life is not always guaranteed. God knows this, we know this. And I’m choosing to no longer live in fear of it. I know that this experience has made me much more aware and I can imagine once I’m married and have children that, these conversations will come somewhat naturally to me.

Until then…