It’s close to 4 years since my mom passed. 4 years I didn’t think would even be possible without having her around. But we are here, thriving (as best as I can given the circumstances), and trying to live my life in honor of her. Earlier in the year, I finally made the decision to start therapy. It was something that I was putting off for some time, mainly out of fear and procrastination. Honestly, I felt that I could handle whatever it was that I was feeling on my own.
And for a while, I was doing that. Until things (read as feelings) started piling on top of each other, to the point that it started to feel like I was being suffocated. It was hard for me to concentrate or focus because the feelings felt like they were taking over. As much as I am a very feeling person, for the first time, I felt completely out of touch with what was happening. With the added grief piled on top, I felt like I was emotionally spiraling. I tried to pretend that I was ok.
So, I finally mustered up the courage to seek out a therapist, for real this time. I called around, and booked my first appointment, and it felt like I had just accomplished a goal. I hadn’t even been in the office yet, but just actually taking the step to go made me feel good.
My first appointment was a little nerve-racking, mainly because I didn’t know what to expect. Growing up Nigerian, therapy isn’t something that is highly talked about within our family homes. But given the traumatic experience I had, my close family was 100% behind me taking this step to overall healing. This was something I also told my therapist and they were very understanding. And after spilling my heart out, I felt this sense of relief. Finally. I had a space to share ALL these thoughts and feelings, no matter how ugly they seemed or felt.
It’s something that I have avoided for way too long and that neglect was starting to spill into other areas of my like. The burden of talking things out felt a bit too much to bear at the time. But I am in a space now where I know I can go, share my thoughts and feelings, and actively apply what I am being told. It’s going to be a long journey (likely with different therapist), but starting is usually the hard part. This is part of leaving behind perfectionism. I need to be ok with being a work in progress.
Related: Taking Care of Your Mental Health
Below I’m sharing a few additional resources if you’re also looking into getting into therapy. Hopefully these can help steer you in the right direction. Also, I do plan to explore different therapists, as I genuinely do feel that sometimes, certain people are meant to help for certain things. So don’t feel like you are stuck with just one person forever.
Employee Assistance Program: You may not know this, but if you are a salaried worker, you should check if your job offers an EAP program. If they do, you can very likely get a service like therapy covered for a certain number of sessions. Yes, free therapy y’all!
Open Path Collective: A photographer I follow, Kaye McKoy, shared a little while agoin about a therapy resource for those that don’t have insurance and/or are low income. I know that paying for therapy can be daunting and can stop you for actively seeking out help. Hopefully this can help put you on the path to recovery.
Sliding Scale Therapists: There are some therapist that provide cost options based on how much you are willing to pay for a session. The pay should obviously taken into account what kind of service they are providing, but it is an opportunity to get discounted sessions. Good Therapy is a good resources to help find a sliding scale therapist.
Support Groups: If you prefer to be in a group setting with other individuals who may be experiencing or have experienced life altering events, then you’d like support groups. These are usually free or very low cost and allow you to connect with others freely in a safe space.
Until next time…
Lucy | 13th Apr 20
Thanks Seyi, I’m a Nigerian too and its sad most people here don’t pay close attention to mental health.